December slump
06 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
it’s December 2011, close to the end of the world year. the nights are much cooler than normal, and it’s just awesome to sleep in. all day. and wake up to meet friends for a cuppa.
yes, it would be awesome. but i’m no longer a student, so i’m not entitled to that (well, except maybe during the weekends). ANYWAY, it’s december and i’m in a job slump.
my learning is stagnating, so much that i find myself really really really bored, and starting to hate my job. it’s not that i’m so awesome that my learning is stagnating. it’s because it’s getting super routine, and i’m not learning anything new. little wonder i turn to my yarns and needles for enlightenment at the end of my long day at work. how else am i going to feel less like an idiotic robot?!
i guess the slump’s also partially because of me thinking the grass is always greener on the other side. which it is, right? isn’t it?
in any case, my boss was talking to me about job rotation today, and she asked me whether i was interested in another position in her other team. i was, but i wasn’t sure. what if i hate it there? what if this isn’t what i really want to do? what if i get stuck doing this for the rest of my life, and just caught in the rat race?
i’m really envious of my friends who know what they want to do. or what they DON’T want to do. it’s simple for them. they just have to work around obstacles and towards their goal that’s flashing in neon pink. for me, it’s a different story. like what my colleague, CW, was telling me, young ppl nowadays don’t know what they want to do, ie they have no ambition. but seriously, back in his days (he’s around 40 now), the norm ambition was probably to have a steady job and a steady life. but i might be generalising. in my time, my ambition was to be a doctor, an astronaut and the president of the united states at the same time, while i fly around the world in a red flying saucer with flashing lights, and make peace with the aliens. no wonder i don’t know what my ambition is.
and it’s weird, because with my abilities, and my degree (which is very gneral), i can do just about any other non-specialised job out there. and i have no freakin’ idea why i’m stuck here. doing this job. maybe it’s for the money. maybe it’s for the occasional ‘omg, i seriously love my job to death’. or maybe it’s for that intake of breath that i hear after i introduce myself as ‘I’m a financial analyst working at XXX’, and that sudden stab of self-importance. but you know what? at the end of the end, all this doesn’t matter. yes, i’m a person, working as a very glorified administrator in a very big company — which also means that what i do probably doesn’t mean very much to the company.
so yes. i did tell her that i was interested in job rotation — to tick off another job position off my list of Dunnos– but now i’m not sure. I’m not even sure whether I will find a job that i will like if i leave this company. but i do know that i like to deal with money. so well… guess things shouldn’t be that far out.
so back to me seeing things on the other side being greener (and green being my favourite colour), i guess i just have to constantly remind myself that if i haven’t learnt anything else from my 6 months in germany, it’s that Things aren’t always what they seem. you think that they’re always having parties and drinking their lives away, but you don’t see them studying hard and finishing up assignments throughout the night.
ok. i sound serious. i think i need a drink. NOW. toffee nut latte, anyone? 
